Roughriders Eleven years of Biker Brotherhood, based in Lincoln  NE USA

       Biker Humor

Stolen from Maverick:

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his face. The bartender says "what's with the towel on your face?" The pirate says "AARH! There's a Bounty on my head"

A man went to a zoo. The only animal there was a dog.

 It was a Shih Tzu.

Stolen from "Shovelhead Randy"

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar, which reads:

 CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
 HAND JOB: $1,000.00

 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender serving drinks to group of RUBS on Big Dogs.                   
'Yes?' she inquires with a knowing smile, 'can I help you?'
                   
'I was wondering,' whispers the old biker, 'are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?'
'Yes,' she purrs, 'I am.'

 The old biker replies, 'Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.

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THE SENSITIVE BIKER stolen from "Shovelhead Randy"

A woman meets a biker in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up
leaving together. When they get back to his place he shows her around his apartment, she wonders about the basket case shovelhead setting in the living room but notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of
cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire
wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange
them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put
into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears
covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears
running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine biker to have such a large
collection of Teddy Bears and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a couple bottles of Ripple and continue talking and, after awhile, she
finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this biker, this sensitive biker could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?"

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips – naturally being a biker he responds
willingly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her
in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each
other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more
creativity more heat than she has ever known. After an intense,
explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive biker, they are lying
there together in the afterglow, looking at the Panhead poster on the ceiling.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well,
how was it?"

The biker gently smiles at her strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her
eyes, and says:




"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

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And they think Bikers are ignorant:  stolen from DT

'I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,'
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff.'     -Mariah Carey

'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President

Biker walks into a bar carrying an alligator, throws the alligator up on the bar and announces that he will
put his penis in the alligators mouth for one minute, after which he will remove it unscathed and for this miraculous feat each patron of the bar will buy him a drink,  murmurs go out through the crowd and soon the patrons agree to the bikers unusual request. Biker pulls out his junk, plops it in the alligators mouth, at the end of the minute biker picks up a beer bottle, smacks the alligator on the head alligator opens his mouth, bikers package emerges without incident and the drinks begin to flow!!!Biker says, "and further more, I challenge anyone here to try the same thing for which I will pay $100 to any patron who can last one minute!"    big hush falls over the crowd...  long silence ensues...   until finally a very attractive tall blond in the back of the bar stands up and says"  I'll try it, as long as you promise not to hit me on the head so hard with the beer bottle."
(stolen from Sparky)

                           BLIND MAN IN A BIKER BAR
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke sir, I think it is
only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...
Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the  Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I  will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."  The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.  I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  Take  a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time.   Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent  treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy."


The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?